Paints, pickle and pants,
as far as the eye can see.
Sretching across the front room floor
creating stepping stones for me.
Paints thanks to Beth's artwork
Pickle due to Nathan's tea
Pants because ... i'm not sure!
So I suppose they're down to me!
Paints, pickle and pants
lying across my floor like lazy seals,
But as I sleep, i'll dream instead
of diamonds, handbags and heels!
Thursday 25 August 2011
Friday 5 August 2011
Millie will be back!
Please forgive me for not keeping up with Millie Mum! I love writing this blog and will get back to it very soon. Life in general has sort of got in the way recently and I have been busy redesigning and relaunching my website. Millie will be back soon! :)
Wednesday 20 April 2011
I don't like Mondays
Monday. Today I thought I would be brave, put the twins in their buggy and go into town. I needed some shopping and I needed to start getting out and about. I need to start living again, getting into a routine, ok, even if that does only mean going to the shops for now, that's where i'll have to start.
Town was busy and I felt vunerable. Although vunerable was preferable to 'embarrased beyond belief' when, as we passed by a coffee shop where 'ladies that lunch' were seated at tables having cappachino's, Nathan tossed his Buzz Lightyear up into the air and in slow motion I watched it fly across to where it landed in a ladies extra large coffee cup. If only she had already drunk most of it, but no, it was a full cup and you would never believe how far the coffee splashes were able to reach. I stopped and apologised a hundred times and offered to pay for a new cup but thankfully, she declined the offer as a large coffee in that coffee shop would not have been cheap! Nathan was only concerned about how awful his Buzz now looked with brown coffee dripping from it and glared at the lady with a 'look what you have done to my Buzz Lightyear' kind of glare.
I was able to compose myself and carried on, ignoring that Nathan was now getting covered in drips of coffee as he refused to let me clean it, but I decided that on the face of it, I could cope with that.
The coffee incident had unfortunately made me very self concious and I felt like wherever I went, people could tell I was a single mum. I didn't have 'single mum' written across my forehead, but it certainly felt like it.
Next, I took a deep breath as I entered the supermarket. These were places that turned Beth and Nathan into Chucky dolls in their buggy. They shout so loud if they can't have something that I almost think the tins will fall off the shelves with the vibrations of their screams.
I made a start but I was immediately aware of smiling mums who were floating around effortlessly, pushing contented babys or toddler's down every aisle I went, and from my frazzled appearance I wondered did I actually look like I didn't have a husband at home who loved and supprted me, when they looked like they did? I assumed that the smiling floaty women who had contented sleeping babies in their prams or trolley's or who had obediant children in their buggy's or walking calmly by their sides were members of the 'MUCH' club, yes they must have been. Married, Untroubled, Content and Happy. So if they looked like they belonged to the 'MUCH' club then could they see that I didn't?
I only needed four items but I had never been in that supermarket before, so my usual trick of whizzing the buggy past the 'hot spots' could not be done and I emerged through the exit door with fourteen items and two children covered in the chocolate and cake they were eating.
But I had kept them quiet and hadn't drawn any attention to us, and for that I was quietly smug. As I pushed the buggy home because I just could not face getting on a bus, I consoled myself with the fact that I will be a dab hand at being a single parent very soon.
Town was busy and I felt vunerable. Although vunerable was preferable to 'embarrased beyond belief' when, as we passed by a coffee shop where 'ladies that lunch' were seated at tables having cappachino's, Nathan tossed his Buzz Lightyear up into the air and in slow motion I watched it fly across to where it landed in a ladies extra large coffee cup. If only she had already drunk most of it, but no, it was a full cup and you would never believe how far the coffee splashes were able to reach. I stopped and apologised a hundred times and offered to pay for a new cup but thankfully, she declined the offer as a large coffee in that coffee shop would not have been cheap! Nathan was only concerned about how awful his Buzz now looked with brown coffee dripping from it and glared at the lady with a 'look what you have done to my Buzz Lightyear' kind of glare.
I was able to compose myself and carried on, ignoring that Nathan was now getting covered in drips of coffee as he refused to let me clean it, but I decided that on the face of it, I could cope with that.
The coffee incident had unfortunately made me very self concious and I felt like wherever I went, people could tell I was a single mum. I didn't have 'single mum' written across my forehead, but it certainly felt like it.
Next, I took a deep breath as I entered the supermarket. These were places that turned Beth and Nathan into Chucky dolls in their buggy. They shout so loud if they can't have something that I almost think the tins will fall off the shelves with the vibrations of their screams.
I made a start but I was immediately aware of smiling mums who were floating around effortlessly, pushing contented babys or toddler's down every aisle I went, and from my frazzled appearance I wondered did I actually look like I didn't have a husband at home who loved and supprted me, when they looked like they did? I assumed that the smiling floaty women who had contented sleeping babies in their prams or trolley's or who had obediant children in their buggy's or walking calmly by their sides were members of the 'MUCH' club, yes they must have been. Married, Untroubled, Content and Happy. So if they looked like they belonged to the 'MUCH' club then could they see that I didn't?
I only needed four items but I had never been in that supermarket before, so my usual trick of whizzing the buggy past the 'hot spots' could not be done and I emerged through the exit door with fourteen items and two children covered in the chocolate and cake they were eating.
But I had kept them quiet and hadn't drawn any attention to us, and for that I was quietly smug. As I pushed the buggy home because I just could not face getting on a bus, I consoled myself with the fact that I will be a dab hand at being a single parent very soon.
Saturday 19 March 2011
Sunday Night
Sunday night. Monday morning is looming. Cooked our first roast dinner in our new home today. The twins ran me ragged. We went to the park (thank goodness there is a great park close by) I was so keen to just get them out that I didn't really spend too much time on my appearance before we left. Ok, if i'm honest, I didn't spend any time on my appearence and didn't actually have a clue how I looked before we left.
I had even forgotten to brush my teeth in between chasing Nathan around removing a never ending supply of brightly coloured crayons from his little fingers and Beth's obsession with removing her clothes every time I managed to get her dressed.
I started to get a rough idea of how I was looking when I started to receive odd looks from the other parents in the park. Looks that then turned into friendly nods once I had caught them looking at me. I started by untucking the left side of my skirt from inside my knickers and finished by removing the pink piece of play dough from my hair. There, all tidy!
Oh my God, I felt like such a wreck. I felt a wreck, looked a wreck and I miss who I used to be.. smart, attractive and in control. Hey! I was a SAC! Smart, Attractive and in Control! But today I felt more like a black sack!
I had even forgotten to brush my teeth in between chasing Nathan around removing a never ending supply of brightly coloured crayons from his little fingers and Beth's obsession with removing her clothes every time I managed to get her dressed.
I started to get a rough idea of how I was looking when I started to receive odd looks from the other parents in the park. Looks that then turned into friendly nods once I had caught them looking at me. I started by untucking the left side of my skirt from inside my knickers and finished by removing the pink piece of play dough from my hair. There, all tidy!
Oh my God, I felt like such a wreck. I felt a wreck, looked a wreck and I miss who I used to be.. smart, attractive and in control. Hey! I was a SAC! Smart, Attractive and in Control! But today I felt more like a black sack!
Monday 14 March 2011
Home
The twins came home today. Home. Home to me. They didn't come home to their mum and dad. They came home to just their mum. Me. A single Mum.
They were thrilled with their room, really excited. I felt really bad that I can't afford somewhere with 3 bedrooms so they can each have their own room. I showed them round. It was so very cute that they were so excited by the fact that we now have a balcony! I felt really bad that they no longer have a garden. Thankfully, at 5 years old, they are far too young to know how bad mummy feels about so much. Thankfully, at 29 years old, I am old enough to know that, hopefully soon, I will stop feeling so bad about everything.
I was hoping Kate would be able to stay until after the twins were in bed, and we would have had a good old natter over the bottle of wine I had replaced yesterday for when she brought the twins home, but she had to go to work.
The twins were so tired that they were in bed extra early. That should have been really great. But it wasn't. Kate had gone, and now, with the twins asleep, I felt very, very alone. The realisation that I am now solely responsible for those two sleeping babes was overwhelming.
Tomorrow, I will pop out to replace the pretty box of tissues, the bottle of wine and the twins monthly supply of chocolate. Again.
They were thrilled with their room, really excited. I felt really bad that I can't afford somewhere with 3 bedrooms so they can each have their own room. I showed them round. It was so very cute that they were so excited by the fact that we now have a balcony! I felt really bad that they no longer have a garden. Thankfully, at 5 years old, they are far too young to know how bad mummy feels about so much. Thankfully, at 29 years old, I am old enough to know that, hopefully soon, I will stop feeling so bad about everything.
I was hoping Kate would be able to stay until after the twins were in bed, and we would have had a good old natter over the bottle of wine I had replaced yesterday for when she brought the twins home, but she had to go to work.
The twins were so tired that they were in bed extra early. That should have been really great. But it wasn't. Kate had gone, and now, with the twins asleep, I felt very, very alone. The realisation that I am now solely responsible for those two sleeping babes was overwhelming.
Tomorrow, I will pop out to replace the pretty box of tissues, the bottle of wine and the twins monthly supply of chocolate. Again.
Tuesday 8 March 2011
Replacements
The twins come home tomorrow. Kate is bringing them back after lunch. Their room is almost finished. I only have to put everything in it's right place and it's done.
The bunk beds chrome finish is gleaming smuggly in the morning sun, and looking at it now in all it's innocence, you would never believe that it fought me until 2am this morning before it finally gave in and let me win the battle to put it up.
The walls are a lovely shade of lilac. I thought that lilac was a good cross between pink for Bethany and blue for Nathan. I hope they think so too!
William phoned last night to see if I needed any help with getting the flat ready today. I wish he hadn't. I used every last tissue from the pretty box of tissues I had bought especially for the coffee table in the front room, you know, expensive tissues that are there because the box is pretty, not that they are there for people to blow noses on (or wipe away tears). I'll pop out sometime today to replace the tissues, oh and the bottle of wine I had bought for me and Kate to have tomorrow. Oh, and the twin's monthly supply of chocolate.
The bunk beds chrome finish is gleaming smuggly in the morning sun, and looking at it now in all it's innocence, you would never believe that it fought me until 2am this morning before it finally gave in and let me win the battle to put it up.
The walls are a lovely shade of lilac. I thought that lilac was a good cross between pink for Bethany and blue for Nathan. I hope they think so too!
William phoned last night to see if I needed any help with getting the flat ready today. I wish he hadn't. I used every last tissue from the pretty box of tissues I had bought especially for the coffee table in the front room, you know, expensive tissues that are there because the box is pretty, not that they are there for people to blow noses on (or wipe away tears). I'll pop out sometime today to replace the tissues, oh and the bottle of wine I had bought for me and Kate to have tomorrow. Oh, and the twin's monthly supply of chocolate.
Saturday 5 March 2011
Missing
Today I woke up in a really positive frame of mind and I just wanted to get on with the kids room. Shame it only lasted all of about thirty minutes until the postman came. He didn't do anything to upset me, he just put a postcard through my front door. It was just that this postcard was the same one that I had posted yesterday to a competition to win a holiday to florida. I had put the put the stamp on the side that had my address on it instead of the competition address! Maybe I hadn't been concentrating as much as I had thought... It had been that person with the 'your marriage is over' stick standing behind me again. I think I was daydreaming about winning the holiday so they hit me with the bloody stick. Only this time, I cried. I cried because in amongst all the unpacking boxes and enthusiasm for getting our new home ready, I missed William. I missed him so very much.
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